An Open Letter to Our Firstborn

Dear Timmy,

Exactly 365 days ago, I was waiting to hear your first cry while lying half-awake in the operating room. When I finally heard it I understood what a miracle is. You beat the odds, dear one. You wailed so loud as if to show off your strong lungs. You may not be a full-term baby but you sure sounded like one. 🙂 Then something magical happened, the nurse brought you close to me and I kissed your cheeks ever so gently. I kissed an angel and touched a living miracle—at 29 weeks and merely 1.2 kilos, you showed everyone that God was holding you in the palm of His hands.

Where did time go? I feel like I just turned a page and the next chapter is about you turning a year old! Happy 1st birthday, sweetheart! Just greeting you brings tears to my eyes. You are one brave soul, son. You’ve been through a lot with your month-long stay at the Neonatal ICU, Neonatal Lupus diagnosis, Hernia operation when you were two months old, and recent Asthma diagnosis. Despite all these, your daddy and I wake up every day blessed to see a beaming smile in your face as if you’re telling us that those things were no biggie. You are full of life, Timmy! You bring so much joy to our family and to the people around you. 🙂

We’ve seen you reach one milestone after another. You learned how to turn, crawl, sit, and stand. Before we know it you’re walking already and we’re running after you. 🙂 You’re eating solids now and you even got your three front teeth for Christmas! God has been so good to you, Timmy. His loving hand has always been upon you, taking care of you every single day. It is our prayer that as you grow up you will discover how great and amazing our God is.

In case you’re curious about what you were like when you were still a baby, I have one word to describe you—ACTIVE. 🙂 You have seemingly unlimited energy, Timmy! You scream in delight, you play tirelessly, you laugh so loud, you grab things in sight, you talk spontaneously, and you climb instinctively. You’re also very focused, sweetheart. 🙂 When you watch videos or commercials, all your attention is there with eyebrows knitted. You are also seriously funny, darling. 🙂 You make different sounds ranging from cat-like to accurately piggy. Aside from that, you love bath time, too!

We are humbled and blessed that God gave you to us. I didn’t realize that you were really the miracle I was waiting for until last month. Let me tell you a quick story. When I was still single, I used to write letters to my future husband. I gave them all to your dad when we got married. 🙂 When your dad was reading one of my letters, he discovered something I wrote that gave me goose bumps. Apparently, I told your dad (whom I hadn’t met at that time) that I saw a cute little boy in church and perhaps it was God’s way of telling us that our miracle baby would be a BOY. And here you are, Timmy—miracle personified. 🙂

You see, I thought I’d never have a baby because I have Lupus. So when I found out I was pregnant, your dad and I rejoiced! God answered our prayer in the most unexpected way. You’re a honeymoon baby, Timmy! We’ll explain what that means when you’re a bit older. 🙂 From the moment you were conceived, we knew that God had big plans for you. He wants to show in your life that He is real and He is good. Yes, you may have inherited your Neonatal Lupus and Asthma from me but that happened under God’s sovereign hands. So far, you haven’t exhibited any symptoms of Lupus and we’re praying that it really is transient. I hope that you will grow up without having to live with that sickness. You only had one major Asthma attack thus far and we’re hoping that it will be the last.

The way God sustains you every single day, the way He heals you when you’re sick, the way He makes your body develop continuously, the way He makes you happy and bubbly—all these things prove that He is at work in your life. 🙂 Every day we thank God for you, Timmy. We praise Him for what He has done and what He will still do in your life. He loves you more than we do. We pray that you will know God in a personal way and experience His goodness all the days of your life. May you follow His ways for He knows what’s best for you.

We love you so much, sweetheart. Happy 1st birthday! We look forward to celebrating more birthdays with you! May God bless you beyond what you can ever ask or imagine. Please don’t grow up too fast, Timmy. Right now I’m enjoying your super mommy-attachment stage. 🙂 Next time I’ll be seeing you go through that hero-worship phase with your dad. Each season will come ever so quickly. So enjoy every stage of your life, little one. We’ll be here to guide you, encourage you, and cheer you on every step of the way. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I love you forever, my true miracle. 🙂

Much love,

Mommy 🙂